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The Broomfielder

Letting Kids Be Who They Are

Oct 01, 2019 07:31AM ● By Jeremy Totten

By Lisa Payne

I wasn’t sure what to write about this month.  There is always the Halloween theme or pumpkin spice everything recipes, but I wasn’t feeling those.  After some reflection, what I was feeling very strongly was how hard it can be to sometimes let our kids be who they are.  (There will be a bit of a Halloween theme here, I promise.)

My oldest is twelve, so it has taken me a lot of years to come to the conclusion that my kids’ personalities aren’t necessarily my personality.  I am finally grasping the realization they were put on this earth as their own individual person, unique from everyone else and on their own journey.  Just because I would do something differently or handle something differently doesn’t mean their way is wrong. It doesn’t mean that their personality is flawed or that their thinking is off.  It simply means they are being who they were meant to be and I need to honor that.

It’s easy to worry that they don’t have good social skills if they prefer to be home with us one night.  What it truly means is that they feel connected to us and home is where they feel the happiest and I now embrace every moment of it because when high school rolls around it could change.  I used to assume if one is easily distracted and finds ten things to do between the kitchen and going to brush their teeth, oh my gosh they will never be able to make it through school or hold down a job!  But now what that says to me is this person is present, they see all there is to see between two destinations and boy do I wish I could stop the smell the roses along the way more often. I run from one thing to the next without seeing much of anything!  Oh what I could be missing! I am trying to appreciate situations that would usually upset me, and find the good in all that is different from who I am.

This brings me to Halloween.  Let’s just say that what they choose to be or want to wear could be far from what I think they should be or wear.  I say “look at this cool ninja costume” and he says “no way I want to be a VSCO girl.” Ha! Fine, go for it dude. And another one is very much into Halloween and starts decorating October 1.  He spends weeks putting together a huge haunted house for his friends and neighbors. I used to think good Lord, the time and clean up afterwards will be crazy and I will end up doing it all and WOW that is a lot of fake cobweb all over everything.  But guess what? He’s outside being creative for weeks, and he is being exactly who he was meant to be. Just because I wouldn’t spend the time doing that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t.  

This month lets honor and celebrate our children as exactly who they were put on earth to be.  Look at the bigger picture of all that irritates us. Find the lessons and growth areas we can work on and find the understanding that is deep within us.  Stay open and accepting of what is, and stay true to who you are as well. Because we are all imperfectly perfect just the way we are!

Please come to our Haunted House in Wildgrass the night before Halloween. Details will be posted in Nextdoor as it gets closer.